Grief in Development Stages
Grief is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one, which is experienced across cultures. Grief can manifest in many ways, based on the bereaved person’s developmental stage, family/cultural norms, relationship with the person who died, and many other factors.
Below is information intended for caregivers regarding 1) what grief might look like for youth in different developmental stages and 2) what caregivers can do to help youth through the grieving process.
Ages 2-5
Common reactions to loss of loved one
Often thinks the person who died is going to return
May not remember the person who died
Fluctuating between sadness and normal play
Increased bedwetting
Acting out
Aggressive behavior
What Parents can do to Help
Keep the routine and structure
Provide simple and honest answers to questions – it’s OK to say the person died
Reassure that they are not to blame
Ages 6-9
Common reactions to loss of loved one
Complaints of aches and pains
Increased caregiving behavior (toward other family members)
Worries about other people dying
Aggressive behavior
Separation anxiety
What Parents can do to Help
Provide ways for kids to express their feelings (art, talk, music, writing, etc.)
Honest answers
Validation of feelings
Ages 10-12
Common reactions to loss of loved one
Separation anxiety
Denial
Trouble concentrating
Decreased academic performance
Trying to be a “fixer”
Blaming others for loss
What Parents can do to Help
Validate feelings
Provide outlets for expression of feelings
Make sure the your child knows that he/she can speak to trusted adults
Ages 13-18
Common reactions to loss of loved one
Low mood
Frequent sadness related to memories of loved one
Aggression
Increased risk-taking
Anger toward people perceived to be responsible for death (ex: doctors)
What Parents can do to Help
Be willing to discuss the death and the adolescent’s feelings about it
Provide information about what the grief process might look like
Encourage maintenance of support system (contact with family, friends, teachers, other loved ones)
Connect the adolescent with school counselor/therapist if possible
Try to facilitate fun family activities
Set clear limits if you notice destructive behavior
Sources
https://good-grief.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/What-is-Grief.pdf
https://good-grief.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Grief-in-Developmental-Stages.pdf
Christ, G. H., Siegel, K., & Christ, A. E. (2002). Adolescent grief: It never really hit me… until it actually happened. Jama, 288(10), 1269-1278.